Far Away
by Kitsunes Fire
Summary: I hate these...basically a Yaoi KxH fic. With a bit of songficyness. Please read and review.
1. Far Away

**Far Away**

by Kitsunes Fire

-WARNINGS: Yaoi, possible lemon, slight angst

-DISCLAIMER: Come on, you all know how this works. I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. I am merely a fan writing for my own enjoyment. And if other people are entertained then that is fantastic. But I am not getting paid to do this. If I were, then I wouldn't have nearly as much fun with this because it would be a job and it would be constantly censored...LOL. So enjoy. Any and all comments are greatly appreciated.

-A/N: You should be able to figure out who is talking...but if you can't then ask me. The name may or may not come up, but I think it's rather self-explanatory.

Oh yeah. This later becomes a bit of a song-fic. The song is "Far Away" by Nickelback...hence the title. And one last thing-- this fic is rated M just to be on the safe side. I don't know what will or won't happen...but as I mentioned in the warnings, there may be a lemon later on so I will rate this M just in case.

Hope you enjoy.

-KF

I still can't believe that five years have already passed since the day you left. It still doesn't feel like you are gone for good...and yet, every breath I take is a reminder of the emptiness inside of me that you had filled. So even though I know you are gone...at the same time, I don't. Even after these five long years, it still just hasn't sunken in that every morning I wake it will be the same. That you aren't going to be there as the sun rises or as the moon sets. That you won't come back to me...ever. And as much as it seems like such a long time since I last saw you, in some ways it feels like yesterday. I can still remember everything oh so vividly. Your ruby eyes. Your silken soft pale skin. Your gravity-defying jet black hair, the star burst of white bursting over your forehead. Your beautiful smile, from the rare occasions you allowed me to see it. Everything. I remember it all.

But most of all, I simply remember you. I remember the things you can't describe. The things that are just...Hiei. Your scent, faintly of pine and freshly fallen rain, mixed with the smell of outdoors and makai forests, though all the while holding something that was just plainly you. No other words could describe it. Your gaze-- the way you looked at me with those blazing eyes that you possess, sneaking glances when you thought no one was looking, but staring at me when no one else was around. Your touch-- the way your fingertips would dance upon my skin, the way your hands would lovingly caress my skin, so different from how you present yourself to be to the rest of the world. Everything about you was so different...and so amazing. I guess that's why I can't let those memories become lost.

Not that I want to remember. No...If anything, the opposite would be true. I wish I could forget you-- your smile, your scent, your gaze, your touch, your voice...It would make everything else so much easier.

But I can't.

Because everything reminds me of you now. I see a coffee pot and I remember attempting to teach you how to use what you considered to be a 'useless human contraption'. You never used it because you found you didn't like coffee anyway, except for that one time when I was sick in bed. You made coffee for me, but you burned it. I drank it anyway, because I didn't care. I was just so in love with you and loved that you tried.

Now when I see a desk I remember the times right after we had finally become a couple, when we were still in the adorable flirting/getting-to-know-you stage...which is kind of ironic because we had already known each other for a very long time, just not as a couple. You would come up behind me at night when I was doing my homework, and I would always pretend not to notice you. You would watch me do whatever I was doing for a while, then would just wordlessly move my arm so that you could sit in my lap. You were so adorable...you would snuggle like that for as long as it took for me to finish, sometimes even longer. I never told you, but some nights I would wait to start on my homework until I felt your aura nearby, so that you would stay like that longer. It was always so sweet how you would never say a thing except for the occasional "sweet dreams, fox" on your way back out.

I can't watch TV without thinking of you. I remember that night I convinced you to stay with me. You hadn't wanted to, but the promise of ice cream and snuggling kept you near. We made popcorn and watched TV. I automatically chose out one of those violent action movies I thought you would enjoy, but you surprised me as you snuggled close and gently tugged he remote out of my hand. I looked down at you in shock as you changed the channel to cartoons, and when I asked why you explained that your life was already full of blood and violence; that you wanted to watch something stupid and mindless. I think that was the most I had ever heard you talk...I loved you so much. I loved how sweet and child-like you truly were, but even more I loved how you would show that part of you only to me. We watched cartoons all night, you snuggled up close to me on the couch, and I think that was the first time I heard the music of your laughter. You eventually fell asleep in my arms...you never did get your ice cream. It wasn't until that night that it occurred to me just how much you cared about me...that you actually wanted to be with me.

Or so I thought. Gods, there is nothing I wouldn't give to have a little of that back. Because the one scene that sticks out in my mind the most is the memory of the day you left me. It's funny, because I didn't know it was happening when it was happening...only in hindsight do I realize when it was. I thought nothing of it at the time...it happened so suddenly...I just woke up one morning and you were gone. This wasn't that unnatural for you, so I paid no attention to your absence—that is, until a full week had passed without a trace of your existence. I felt so torn apart...and honestly, I still do. I couldn't understand why you would just leave me alone like that; no goodbye, no parting words of any kind...just disappearance. Even now I can't believe you are gone. I know you are...but I can't believe it. And I miss you so terribly... even five years later my heart aches, my body is hollow and my brain is numb.

So even as I stand before my mirror right now, preparing myself for the reunion party at Genkai's temple, I can think of nothing but you. You are the reason we even have a reunion after all, for you are the reason we broke apart. We couldn't be a team without you...so we simply weren't. We all went our own ways-- I returned to the human world, got my own apartment, got a job, and tried to move on.

But, as if you you couldn't already tell, I couldn't move on.

I got the invitation to the reunion about two weeks ago. It didn't take me long to figure out that it had been Yusuke's idea, and it took me even less time to figure out that no-one had heard from Hiei yet. Even now, the morning of the event, no word had been heard from the little fire demon. Not that I had really expected much to the contrary...but I still can't extinguish the small candle-like flame of hope inside of me that you will return. Don't ask me why I still have such such foolish hopes, for even I do not know why...perhaps it is because I refuse to believe the love you showed me was all an act. And if it wasn't an act, I know that someday you will return-- either to end this for good or to some back to me to stay.

I quickly glance at my watch, the narrow minute hand reminding me that I only have ten minutes to get to Genkai's temple. Cursing softly under my breath, I jog out of my apartment, quickly locking the door behind me before half-jumping down the 13 flights of stairs it takes me to reach the ground floor. Anyone who says stairs aren't exercise should try going up and down thirteen floors over and over every day...I wince slightly as the icy raindrops pelt down on me. Strange-- I hadn't even noticed it was raining. I groan as cars go whizzing by me. Of all the days for me to be running late...

I somehow manage to arrive at Genkai's temple in time to help out with the last minute preparations. By the time all the food is put out, the decorations arranged and the band set up I don't even want to think about socializing...or dancing for that matter. But given my nature, I cannot allow myself to be a wallflower, despite how much I yearn for it. Besides, whenever I stand alone in a dark corner it only reminds me of you.

I try to mingle with the growing crowd of guests, most of whom I don't even know; I try to get lost in the music and swaying bodies and forget everything else. Forget that I have to grade papers for the 10th grade class I teach. Forget that in two days time I will be back in that classroom, attempting to teach proper English to a bunch of teenagers who would much rather curse every other word and use non-stop chat speak. Forget the I really should be home cleaning my apartment which has gotten almost hazardously disastrous—very unlike me. Forget that I have more laundry to do than I have free time to do it all in. Forget that, really, I don't have free time to do anything. Forget that there is no such thing as free time...and forget that the reason I make myself so god-damned busy is so that I can forget you. Which is obviously failing.

My vision blurs as the lights dim and colored lights replace them, painting the room a rainbow of colors that makes me feel almost like I am on some sort of hallucinogenic drug. It's truly remarkable what they have done to this place to make it party-ready. It doesn't look anything like a temple anymore-- more like some exotic-themed night club that you might find while wandering the city streets of the human world. The flashing lights are starting to make me go blind, so I lean against the nearest wall and close my eyes, drowning myself in the almost painfully loud music. I already have a headache but quite honestly I don't really care. At least the pounding in my head matches the pounding of the bass.

Some reunion party. It seems more like a rave. I inwardly groan-- it is painfully obvious who organized this event. Yusuke is the only one I know who could pull something like this off, or for that matter, would even want to.

I find myself wondering how early I can leave without being rude. Finding no immediate answer and my head hurting too much to think it all through, I walk outside and sit on a bench in the meditation garden.

Strangely enough, the benches in the meditation garden aren't very comfortable. But as irritating as they are, it's still better than standing around inside and loosing my hearing and my sight. I don't know how much time has passed before some demon whom I don't even know calls out to me and tells me to come inside. When I ask her why, she tells me it's "the song", as if I am supposed to know what that means. Come on. I know I am intelligent, but I can't read minds. That's...Hiei's job...Anyway, she apparently reads my blank expression and explains that "it's almost the end". Honestly, I hear the word "end" and I immediately return inside. She doesn't need to tell me twice...whatever she said. Her exact phrasing doesn't matter much to my aching head anyway, just as long as I can go home soon.

I absently watch the techno/rock/metal band as they launch into the final chorus of their song. I smile, not because I like the song but because it is almost over. At this point, I am too tired and pained to care about how rude that is...which is very unlike me.

I automatically begin to leave as the band finishes and starts to pack up their equipment, but when I notice nobody else is moving I also stop. I glance around, slightly confused, until I notice what has caused everyone else to remain. Although the crazy rave lights have been turned off, the regular house lights are still on and still dim. This leads me, and apparently the rest of the crowd, to believe that although the craziness is over the night is not. Even Yusuke looks surprised, which makes me feel a bit uneasy.

I begin to mentally prepare myself for more skull-shattering, ear-ringing techno, but much to my surprise it never comes. Rather, it is only the sound of an acoustic guitar, shortly followed by a male voice that sounds strangely familiar. I scan the small stage to find the owner of the voice, but wherever they are they are hiding in the conveniently dimly lit room. I smile softly as I listen to the song...I find it enjoyable, and incredibly soothing after all of that club music.

"This time, This place

Misused, Mistakes

Too long, Too late

Who was I to make you wait

On my knees, I'll ask

Last chance for one last dance

'Cause with you, I'd withstand

All of hell to hold your hand

Just one chance

Just one breath

Just in case there's just one left

I'd give it all

I'd give for us

Give anything but I won't give up

'Cause you know,

you know, you know..."

It isn't until the song reaches it's chorus that the singer steps out of the shadows and makes himself visible. Hiei. First my jaw drops, then my eyes shimmer with tears as I listen to the lyrics.

"That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I miss you

From far away for far too long

I keep dreaming you'll be with me

and you'll never go

Stop breathing if

I don't see you anymore"

As the song goes into a short musical interlude he blushes faintly, then stares directly at me. I don't even need to move-- he just knows exactly where I am. He smiles at me briefly before jumping back into the chorus, all the while never breaking our eye contact.

"But you know, you know, you know

I wanted

I wanted you to stay

'Cause I needed

I need to hear you say

That I love you

I have loved you all along

And I forgive you

For being away for far too long

So keep breathing

'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore

Believe it

Hold on to me and, never let me go

Keep breathing

'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore

Believe it

Hold on to me and, never let me go"

I'm not sure what to do with myself...as much as I was hurt and confused by his sudden abandonment, all I want to do right now is jump up on the stage and and hug him tightly. He breaks our eye contact, and at first I am confused but then I realize it's because of the welling up of tears in his eyes. I am in shock-- I have only seen him cry once before, and even that was a rare occasion. I never thought that I would be the cause of his crying...I find that I am both honored and ashamed, yet also slightly confused. As the final lines of the song fade I feel a teardrop roll down my cheek...as I look up at the stage I see a lone tear rolling down his cheek as well. I meet his gaze and smile as the last notes of the song fade into the empty room.

"Keep breathing

Hold on to me and, never let me go

Keep breathing

Hold on to me and, never let me go"

A rumble of applause echoes through the room, though I am only partially aware of it. All I can hear right now is your voice, repeating over and over in my mind. I watch in a trance, my eyes watching but not really seeing. I am aware of you leaving the stage, though my eyes are so blinded by curtains of tears that I don't see where you have gone. I blink a few times, this causing more tears to fall and my vision to slowly return. Glancing around, I find that you have disappeared once more. This realization causes me to inwardly groan...just as quickly as you had come back into my life I have lost you all over again. I turn to leave, eager to get out of the public eye before they all saw me break down into sobbing, but before I can do so I feel fingertips gently dance along my back. This causes me to shiver and freeze, a shudder running through me. I quickly recover and spin around, ready to smack whoever dared touch me. You can only imagine my shock when I turned and saw that it was you. My hand freezes in the air as my eyes widen.

You flinch slightly when you see my hand in the air, as though the fact it has stopped and I am no longer about to hit you means nothing to you. You look so vulnerable-- your eyes seem larger and rounder than normal, your cheeks still red from blushing and...tears? Yes, now that I am looking for it I can see evidence that you have been crying. I am tempted to ask why, but don'[t for fear that I won't like the answer. Instead, my hand that is hovering in the air gently caresses your soft cheek, this causing you to look up at me with slightly surprised eyes. I suppose the reason you look so vulnerable right now is because, right now, you are vulnerable. You have made yourself that way...though it is beyond me why you would do such a thing. Especially since I have so much reason to take advantage of such vulnerability, though I would never act upon it. But you don't know that...so I am mystified by your actions.

Not to say this is the first time your actions have confused me. Not by a long shot...though I think it is safe to say this is the first time I don't even have a clue. You always go by logic in everything you do, but this...this has no logic at all.

Before I contemplate this any further, I am drawn out of my thoughts as I feel you press your cheek into my hand. You then tilt your head so that your lips are against my palm, placing a gentle kiss on my sensitive flesh. I shiver again, though this time not out of fear but something much warmer and more pleasant. I can feel your thin lips curve into a small smile before you pull away, looking up at me almost expectantly, though of what I don't know. I don't think you do either...I think that you just want me to do something. And I want me to do something...but I don't know what. Actually, that's a lie. I know exactly what I want to do, but I'm not sure if I should forgive you so easily. I mean, you left me without a trace for five years! What am I supposed to do now; now when you suddenly come back into my life as though you had never even left. What is there to say you won't do that again? How can I trust you again...? Should I even try to trust you again?

The answer hits me like a smack to the face. That is why you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable to me now. You are showing me, in that unique way of yours, that you know you were wrong and you know that I have been hurt by you. But you are telling me that you are sorry; that you know words can't undo what has been done but if they could you would tell me a speech. That I now have power over you, not the other way around-- that you feel you deserve punishment for what you have done and you are giving me permission to give out said punishment. I guess that also explains why you expected me to hit you before...and why all of the sudden you have become so shy. And as adorable as that shyness is, I refuse to make you feel so down. Like you said that one night when we were watching cartoons, you have enough grief in your life already, and I won't allow myself to be a cause for any additional pain for you to suffer through.

As I hold you close you first stiffen with what I can imagine would be shock, but you soon relax into my arms, cuddling like you always used to. Right now, all that matters to me is that you came back. All the rest can wait...I have already waited so long for this. I can afford to wait a little longer. I don't even care about all the strange looks and disapproving stares we are getting right now, and judging by your behavior you don't either. I smile as I gently massage your shoulders, my efforts rewarded with a soft moan of contentment, which only causes me to smile even more. Gods I missed you so much...and if what your lyrics were as true as I hope they are you missed me too. I hold you closer as I think about what else that song said...and after having a brief mental argument with myself I reach up and bury my hands in your soft hair as you continue to embrace me. It feels so good to be in your arms again.

Without realizing it I have closed my eyes. By the time I open them almost everyone has already gone. I grin as I notice your eyes are closed as well, though you look like you are about to fall asleep standing up. I softly laugh-- I know that you are really tired when you don't respond. Normally the slightest sound would make you move...damned instincts. It used to be a nightmare trying to get you to fall asleep and stay asleep...though it seems much has changed in the five years we were apart. Absently I start to wonder what else has changed about you, though I suppose I will find out in due time.

That is, assuming that this time you are here to stay...gods, I pray you are here to stay. I don't know what I'd do if you left me again...Just the thought of it brings a new batch of tears to my eyes. It doesn't take long for them to fall as I cling on to you, silently sobbing over a mere thought. This awakens you from your half-slumber, and you look up at me with worry written clearly across your face. You open your mouth to say something, presumably to ask me why I am crying, but you stop yourself before any sound is made. Perhaps it is because you already know why...or maybe you just don't want to know. Either way, you instead reach up and wipe the tears from my face, a gentle, comforting smile on your face as you look up at me. You then pull me closer-- it's strange how quickly the tides have changed. Not ten minutes ago it was me holding you as you cried out your sorrows...now the roles have been reversed. Actually... the more I think about that the more I find that to be false. We have not changed roles for we have the same role-- we are both in need of comfort from the other, and we are both providing that comfort.

I guess that is what true love is...the needing of comfort and love and the receiving of comfort and love. And gods know I love you...but do you love me too? I wish I could just ask you, but it isn't that easy. Maybe it was before, but not anymore...not since you left me. And until you tell me why you left me and, more importantly, what made you come back, I know that I will never fully trust you again. And until I can fully trust you I can never love you. What do you want? I am willing to give so much to you...but you have to want it before you can have it.

You snap me out of my thoughts by asking me if I still live in my old apartment. You snicker softly when I answer in the affirmative; this laughter is rewarded with a playful ruffle of the hair. I ask if you still refuse to become part of normal civilization and join us in the age of technology by getting a cell phone...When I correctly interpret your 'hn' to be a yes I can't help but laugh. You of course counter my laughter with a soft growl and the narrowing of your ruby eyes. Your efforts fail of course-- you only make me laugh even more. Sighing softly you give in to me like you always do, rolling your eyes at me and calling me a 'baka kitsune' before a small smile tugs at the corners of your small mouth. You then lean up so that your soft lips tickle my ear as you whisper to me. "See you later, fox..." before flitting off into the darkness.

I am not disappointed to see you go, for I know that I will see you again-- you said you would, and if I have learned one thing about you in the many years I have known you it is that you never, under any circumstances, go back on you word. At the same time...I feel scared. I don't know what to do...all of this is so sudden, and it feels like I have no time left. Which is ironic, since I have waited five years for this to be happening. But now that it's here I wish things would just slow down so I could think things through and figure out what it is I want and what it is I should do.

As I return to my apartment I take a deep breath and mentally slap myself. I am being ridiculous. I should just enjoy the fact that you have returned and you still at least care about me, if not love me. With these thoughts in my head I take another deep breath before falling into a deep sleep.

A/N: Okay, I shall leave it at that for now...I am too lazy to come up with much more at the moment. And Silver Ame Tsukino has been bugging me to get this posted for days now. LOL anyway, have no fear, I shall be writing more. Please review!!!

Silver: AWSOME!! I TOTALLY WORSHIP THIS STORY NOW!! -grinning- she took FOREVER posting this chapter!!!

KF: Oh, well if you think thats good, wait till you read our co-authored fic that has yet to be named! It shall be amazing...when we actually write it. -sweat drop-

Silver: L8R PEEPS!! review or else!!!

KF: -shakes head disapprovingly- now now silver, what have I told you about threating the readers? -rolls eyes- LOL I hope you enjoyed and please review


	2. Can't Stop Falling In Love

**Far Away**

by Kitsunes Fire

Chapter Two

-WARNINGS: Same as before. Yaoi, possible lemon, slight angst...though I don't think the angst will apply so much to this chapter.

-DISCLAIMER: Since I am not feeling up to it at the moment, I shall have Silver Ame Tsukino do the disclaimer for me...when she shows up. XD But in case she doesn't, just read what I wrote for the disclaimer for chapter one.

-SHOUT OUT: To my wonderful reviewers. As I am writing this there are only a few, which makes KF sad, but I hope more will come as I continue to write this...

-A/N: I guess my mission has been accomplished in that everyone understands who the narrator of this fic is. But don't feel bad if you don't get it-- as always, just ask. And that goes for anything in this fic that any of you don't understand...I know my writing can be a bit sketchy at times, especially since the majority of this is written at o-dark thirty, so please-- feel free to ask me anything at all.

On another note, I reserve the right to take this down and re-write it later. I don't really know where I am going with this...so I may not like it very much. Or I might love it. I make no guarantees. Any and all suggestions are GREATLY appreciated. Thanks and please review.

Oh-- and this chapter might involve some more song-ficyness..._might_. Haven't decided yet. -shrugs-

Sorry for the wait-- I am on vacation in cali/nevada right now, so this has been on hold for a while...

Enjoy!

-KF

Perhaps it is only an illusion, but morning seems to take forever to arrive. I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact I couldn't sleep at all...I ended up staying awake for the majority of the night, just tossing and turning and wishing you were there with me. Wondering where you were. Missing you. Thinking of you. And cursing my life for not stopping it's spinning, now, when I need it to stay still. Gods know it was slow enough when I wanted it to pass by-- those long five years I was without you. But now that you have returned I wish everything would just hold on a minute, let me catch my breath and regain my balance before I go jumping off this cliff into your arms. Hopefully you will catch me.

I do finally fall asleep, though it's just my luck that a mere hour or so after I finally do so that the sun finally rises. I groan as I sit up, rubbing my head before collapsing back on the pillows. I hide my head under the covers-- normally this wouldn't be enough darkness for me to be able to sleep in, but I am so tired that I fall asleep anyway.

A couple more hours pass as I sleep, but I am practically unconscious. I haven't slept this much in a very long time...curse my job, those stupid high school hours. Though I suppose I have no right to complain-- it is also those stupid high school hours that give me every weekend off, a week off every two months and all of the summer off. It's pretty nice...when I don't have a bunch of paperwork to do.

Either way, I don't remember the last time I have slept this much. Especially when I wake and look at my clock and realize it's already 1:00 in the afternoon. Luckily I have no plans...this in mind I take my time getting up and out of bed, and take a long, hot shower. It is nice to relax for once. After my shower I quickly dry off before draping an over-sized bathrobe loosely over my willowy form. It is in this attire I go off into my kitchen to prepare my breakfast...or lunch as it would be by now.

Words cannot describe how shocked I was to find you sitting there in my kitchen. I suppose I should have expected it-- you had, after all, told me you would come back. I guess I just hadn't thought it would be so soon. I am so surprised that I almost forget that I am wearing next to nothing and that my hair is still a long, dripping mess. You remind me of this with your laughter, your smile barely visible from behind your hand as you politely cover your mouth as you laugh.

"What is it, kitsune?" You tease. "Didn't expect me to follow through with my word? I thought you of all people would know me better than that."

I open my mouth to snap back-- to tell you that no, I don't trust your word anymore. That no, I wasn't sure if you would actually return this time. That no...I don't know you. I don't know you at all anymore. But I close my mouth before any of those words escape me, for I know I would regret them. I know that you would see how true each of those statements are, but I also know that would cause you to run off again and likely never come back for fear of my anger and hatred...which, if you knew me half as well as I thought you knew me you'd know that I could never hate you. I instead merely shake my head and smile softly as though you never hurt me.

You may not know me well enough to understand my feelings for you, but you do know me well enough to see that I am upset. You have always been very skilled at figuring out my emotions...maybe it's because you are so familiar with them yourself that it makes it easy to see in others. I don't know, but I do know that you can see the unshed tears deep in my eyes and you can likely figure out the reason behind them. Your smile from before has vanished, replaced with a small frown as you regard me with your intense garnet eyes, worry evident in those ruby pools that watch me so carefully.

You sigh softly, slowly running your hands through your gravity defying ebony tresses. I know from years of studying your movements that this means you are thinking or nervous...in this situation, probably both. After a short while your soft voice breaks the somewhat awkward silence that had fallen upon us.

"Correction-- you of all people should expect me to not follow through with my word." You look down at the ground, your eyes downcast. You look so upset... I am about to ask why when I hear you whisper two words that make me fall silent in a daze.

"I'm sorry."

Now, from anyone else that would mean nothing; be nothing. But from you, those two little words mean everything. Well, almost everything-- I still want an explanation, but that can wait. For now, those two words are all I need.

You stiffen when I hold you close, this yet another reminder of how much has changed in the years we have been apart. It used to be that when I would hold you you would think nothing of it; it was second nature for us to be close. Right before you left I had even gotten you to a point where you didn't care if I kissed you in public-- a major accomplishment that had taken me over a year to complete. But now, we are back to ground zero. Actually, I think we are somewhere deep in the sub-levels below ground zero...Will we ever even reach the surface?

Slowly you relax in my grasp, your eyes closing as you come to the realization that I am not going to hurt you. Eventually you return my embrace with one of your own, making me smile and hold you even closer. I want to just stay like this...but I know that is impossible. Because I want there to be more; I want things to be the way they were before you left, if not even better. And I know that in order for that to happen we need to talk, no matter how uncomfortable the subject may be. I need to understand. I need to know why you left me and why you came back. I need to know if you love me...if you ever loved me. And I am sure you need to know a lot of things too. And since any random human off the street could see that you aren't about to bring up any of those topics (and I like to think I know you better than some random human off the street, but honestly...I don't know anymore...) I take a deep breath to steel myself before I take a dive into the deep end.

"If you are sorry...then why did you leave in the first place?"

As I predicted you would, you instantly tense up again when I ask you the sensitive question. You try to back out of my arms but I refuse to let you go. This is something we need to do-- there will never be any better a time to have this conversation; no time where it will be any less sensitive, so might as well do it now, before anything happens that I may regret. Besides...I can't let go of you now that I have you because I am too afraid of loosing you all over again.

Of course, my insistent hold on you does nothing to make you any less tense. If anything, you almost seem even more afraid, as though I have trapped you somewhere you don't want to be and I am going to hurt you. I frown at this-- you really don't know me nearly as well as I thought you did. If you knew me at all you would have no reason to fear me, especially not to the extent of your current fear. Or maybe this reaction is because I have you trapped somewhere you don't want to be, as much as it saddens me to think this could be true. Finally you answer me, though your response is whispered so quietly that I almost don't hear you.

"I...I had my reasons..."

"I'm sure you did!" I snap, though I still refuse to release my hold on you. "I'd hope you have reasons, because I don't know what I did to deserve you leaving me without a trace for no reason at all!" I know I shouldn't be yelling at you...but I can't hold it back any longer. There is only so much that time can heal, for some injuries time only makes them bleed longer...and this is one of those injuries. "In fact, I'm not sure what I did to make you leave me at all..." I bite my lip, my voice softening as I calm down and whisper "I loved you...I loved you more than anything. Is that a crime? What..." Now my voice gets shaky as I try to hold back long suppressed tears. "What did I do wrong...?"

Something about my rant has caused you to look up at me in pain-stricken eyes, your sharp teeth causing your lip to bleed slightly from biting your lip too hard. You finally stop struggling in my arms, though you refuse to return my embrace. Another awkward silence settles over us as we stand in my kitchen, growing hunger reminding me of my original reason for coming here. Oh well-- hunger will just have to wait for now. There are more important matters to attend to.

You start to pull away again, though this time you seem almost sad that I won't let you go. Perhaps it is because you are finally realizing why I can't release you...why I can't trust you out of my grasp. That I can't trust you to stay. You sigh, then in a lighter tone you murmur "If you insist on holding on to me can we at least sit down?"

I chuckle in response, and I find that I am glad you still remember how to make me laugh even when I don't want to. I comply to your request and take your hand as we walk into my bedroom. Now, with a normal couple, the whole going-into-the-bedroom thing would instantly mean sex. We, however, were not a normal couple. Back when we were together we would spend a lot of time in my bedroom, but we never actually made love...though I do admit, sometimes when we knew Yusuke was trying to eavesdrop on us we would pretend to. But given your past, we had never gotten that far, so the bed was merely a large couch to us and nothing more. Especially since we are no longer together...

I lay down on the bed, surprising you by releasing my hold on you and allowing you to be free. You return the favor by not only staying but laying down next to me, returning the surprise by not only cuddling but snuggling close to me just like you always used to. I'm not sure if you did this because you knew I wanted it or simply out of habit, but I love having you close to me. I embrace you once more and you respond by snuggling closer, your head resting on my chest as the rest of you became tangled up with the rest of me. You take a deep breath, and I mentally prepare myself for the worst.

"Listen carefully, kitsune, because this will likely be the most you will ever hear me say and I'm not repeating it." Which is kind of ironic, you telling me to listen carefully when I have to use all of my concentration to hear your almost inaudible voice. I, of course, don't dare point this out and merely listen intently to what you have to say. Hopefully it will be the answers to my many questions.

"First off, you didn't do anything wrong. It was me, and though I know that line is overused it is true. Second, you never deserved any of that...any of this. I never deserved to have you and you never deserved the pain I caused you." You are now talking more to my shirt than to my face. It's adorable how shy you are...how you can't bring yourself to look up at me as you are speaking. "And as for loving being a crime...I don't know. I think everything I do is a crime to some degree, so in that context yes, it is. And in most of this...this...this human world you live in, yes, it would be a crime to love me. So I guess loving is a crime...but it's not like I've had enough experience in that area for me to really know...

"And I am sorry, Kurama. I am sorry for everything...for the pain, for the love, for the betrayal and for the trust. I am sorry for it all, for all of it in the end has made you miserable. And that is the last thing I ever wanted for you..."

It is now that I can't help but interject. "If you didn't want me to be hurt then why did you leave me without a trace? Without a goodbye? Without a word or any contact for five long years!?" Yes, I am aware that I am being a bit theatrical. But I can't help it...I am too lost in everything that is spiraling out of control all around me to care that I am no longer giving the watered-down-sugar-coated version of the thoughts in my head. "How the hell does that not cause me pain? And if you were going to abandon me, then why did you come back? If you don't love me then why don't you just leave me alone and let me forget about you?"

You freeze once more at my questioning, though much to my astonishment you do not pull away. Actually...if anything, you move a little closer. I know how much courage this takes for you to do, so I reward you my gently running my hands through your hair-- something I remember you feeling. I can see you faintly smile at the foreign yet oh-so-familiar touch, which in turn makes me smile. It's strange that in the midst of so much that has changed, so much has also remained the same.

"...I...I..." You start off shakily, merely stammering and mumbling nonsense until you fall silent before trying again, this time more successfully. "From my experience...goodbyes are the most painful part of leaving. So I...I thought I was helping you by leaving without a trace..." You frown a little, sinking in closer to me before continuing in an almost inaudible voice. "And I came back...I came back because I couldn't be without you any longer. It hurt too much..." I can hear the pain in your voice and see it in your face...it makes me want to kiss you and make it all better, though given the current situation I'm not sure that would be the right thing for me to do. "And kitsune...I do love you."

First I blink when I hear your quiet confession, stunned as I realize that this is the first time you have actually flat out told me that you love me. I smile and gently tug your chin to make you look up at me. Unshed tears of..-fear?- can be seen deep in that ruby tint that make your eyes so unique and irresistible. The palm of my hand gently caresses your cheek before I pull you up into a tender kiss.

"Fill me with ecstasy

(Still in my heart... here in my heart...)

Ohh... (Still in my heart... deep in my heart...)

Why, why did you have to go away

Always hard to stay

Tears keep on flowing over, over you

Tell me, was this really true romance

Or just a fantasy

I can't believe what we've been through

You're hangin' out with someone new

Still, you're in my heart

Baby, in my heart

Always in my heart

You'll never leave my heart

Still, you're in my heart

Deep down in my heart

Fill me with ecstasy

Ohhhh...

Oh baby

No baby

Can't let you go

Or was it just a fantasy (just a fantasy)

What I thought could be reality

Oh baby, can't you just see (can't you just see)

That I can't go on living without you

Still, you're in my heart

Baby, in my heart

Always in my heart

You'll never leave my heart

Still, you're in my heart

Deep down in my heart

Always in my heart

When will I ever break free

Still in my heart..."

I shall end there for now…next chapter will likely be in Hiei's point of view. By the way, the song at the end is "Still In My Heart" By Naoki from DDR 2. Thanks for reading and please review!


	3. AN

Heyy everyone!

Just a quick message to say I am currently looking for people to co-author fics with. I am really flexible over what said fic will be about, so if you are interested please either e-mail or PM me and we can get things started. Thanks!

And sorry in advance if my next chapter takes a while to be posted...I am visiting a friend on the west coast right now, so I've been trying to make her my priority and put this aside for a little while. -sweatdrop- So thanks for your patience, and remember-- the more reviews you guys put in, the faster the next chapter goes up.


	4. Better Than Me

**Far Away**

by Kitsunes Fire

Chapter Three

-WARNINGS: The only warning I know will apply to this chapter will be the yaoi warning. Other than that, it depends on my mood as I am writing this. So, as always, possible lemon and possible angst. And I shall add the possibility of PWP-ness and OOC-ness.

-DISCLAIMER: Thank you Silver for providing me with a lovely disclaimer this time. )

Silver: Kitsune-chan doesn't own YYH and neither do I, sad really cuz then me and Kurama could've shared Hiei! XP enjoy the chap!

-SHOUT OUT: As always, to my lovely reviewers, as few of you as there are. Thank you so much! You make KF very happy, and this makes me continue to write. Arigato!

-EXTRA-SPECIAL SHOUT OUT: To ladyasile! Thanks so much for your help and continuous support. I hope you continue to enjoy. )

-A/N: As always, I reserve the right to take this down at any time and re-write this if it doesn't come out how I want it to. And like before, there may be a bit of a wait between these chapters and so sorry for that...but I am visiting my friend out on the west coast so this isn't exactly priority right now. -sweatdrop-

Like I said at the end of the last chapter, this chapter will be from Hiei's point of view. So keep that in mind...

Since I have songs in both of the previous chapters, I will likely put one in this one as well. Probably. But I might not if the opportunity doesn't present itself. So I make no guarantees.

Enjoy and please review!

-KF

-P.S: All you Hiei x Kurama fluff lovers-- this is for you! ) Enjoy. Possible lemony content...if I feel like it. XD

I must say, the last thing I expected right now was for you to kiss me. Well, maybe not the last thing, but pretty damned close to it. My surprise from feeling your soft lips upon mine-- such a foreign yet familiar feeling-- renders me silent and still, though my amazement wears off quickly and I find myself leaning into the tender touch. Your lips curl into an amused smile which makes my cheeks darken. Only you know how to make me blush like this... You eagerly return my gentle, hesitant advances and I can't help but softly moan in response.

"I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe"

I still can't believe that you believed me...all this time. About all...that...and even now, you don't question me. You just welcome me right back into your arms as though I never left. And while I want this more than anything, it makes me feel like trash...to know what you don't. To know so many reasons that you shouldn't be doing this; that you shouldn't care. Part of me wants you to question me, for I know I will never be strong enough to tell you on my own, as much as I want to.

"Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed  
Where your nightgown used to be  
I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you"

Well, not your nightgown. You never had a nightgown per se, though I always used to make fun of your effeminate nature. And...I guess some of those things you used to wear at night could be called nightgowns...But that isn't the only thing I remember. I remember so much, and it all makes me feel even more guilty with each passing moment.

"I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me"

I kiss you back with a passion I didn't know I still had, clinging on to you and all the while hoping if I loose myself enough in you that I can forget the pain and tears inside me that are dangerously close to making themselves known. I close my eyes tightly. I know you can probably figure out why my eyes are so tightly shut, though I highly doubt you can determine the reason behind my tears. Though if you could that would be rather convenient...

"While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took  
That you were looking for"

Figuratively speaking of course. I was looking through your mind only a few moments before... your train of through lead me to some of our better memories...

"If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room"

Just thinking about that time makes me mentally laugh. You had finally convinced me to come along with you to the mall to go Christmas shopping. It was for your mother I believe...or it could have been your step-brother. I don't really remember. Either way, whoever it was, you didn't end up getting their present that day. You got a bit...sidetracked.

Somehow you got me to go try on this shirt-- it was black, therefore passable on my standards, and it was fitted, therefore you wanted to see me in it. Hn. Anyway, I went into the dressing room to change into it and you decided to come along. I had no complaints-- it wasn't like you had never seen me shirtless before. Hell, the whole freaking demon world has seen me shirtless. No big deal.

Hah.

Needless to say, it didn't take long for things to get very heated. It was the closest we ever came to making love...and gods it had felt so good.

"I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me"

You kiss me back, bringing me back to reality. Once again you make me moan-- this seems to please you, for you smile against my thin lips. I return the kiss with even more heat...I just can't hold back anymore. I missed you so much...I lick your lush lips, asking for more. Asking for forgiveness. Asking for love. Asking for so much. You comply to my request, opening your mouth just as hesitantly as I enter it. It's like we are starting all over again...I guess in a way we are.

"The bed I'm lying in is getting colder  
Wish I never would've said it's over  
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older  
Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end"

This can't be the end. This can't be the end. This just can't be the end...I keep telling myself this, yet I am still so afraid that I am deceiving myself. Either way, if it is over it's all my fault anyway. Why should I be so afraid? I brought this upon myself...it's all up to you. And I hate it. I hate how my fate is always resting in other people's hands. Even more, I hate how it's always me that makes it end up that way.

I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me

I break the kiss, burying my face into your soft crimson hair just like I always used to. I can't stop the tears hidden deep inside me from falling, the salty drops freezing into tear gems before they can dampen your hair. You whisper my name and hold me close, your slender fingers massaging my back in attempts of comforting me. "Hiei..." you whisper again, and I know this time there's a hidden message in those two syllables-- it may sound like you are saying my name, but really you are asking me why I am crying. I don't dare answer...not yet. Not now.

"I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me"

"You deserve so much better than me..." I finally whisper as I cling to your willowy form. "Why me? You can do so much better...especially after...after..." I try to complete my sentence, but I find I cannot even do that. Not that it really matters- we both know what I am trying to say.

" And I think you should know this"

Gods, there are so many things you should know...

But most of all...

"You deserve much better than me"

A/N. Okay, this is where I shall end this chapter. I know, really short...but to be totally honest I am having issues writing from Hiei's point of view now that I have gotten so used to writing as Kurama. So next chapter-- back to Kurama's POV and a definite lemon. Please review!

Oh! The song in this chapter is "Better Than Me" by Hinder.


	5. It's All Coming Back To Me Now

**Far Away**

by Kitsunes Fire

Chapter Four

-WARNINGS: Yaoi, as always. If you are still reading this and you haven't noticed the yaoi-ness, please go back and re-read. And this chapter will more or less be a steamy, lemon love scene. LOL. Don't like it-- don't read it.

-DISCLAIMER: sigh these disclaimers are a real pain in the ass to do. Especially since I am not feeling particularly creative at the moment. But it must be done...

I DON'T OWN YU YU HAKUSHO!

LOL. Yeah, I know. Rrrreeeeeaaaaaallllll original. rolls eyes but too bad-- that's what you get right now.

NOTE: Special thank you to Silver for providing another disclaimer for me. Unfortunately, by the time you sent it I had already written this crappy one. Your disclaimer shall be used next chapter.

-SHOUT OUT: To my reviewers, as few of you as there are. Man, I feel like I've said that before...probably have. XD But please! Is it so much to ask for a few reviews? I've barely hit 10...cries

-EXTRA-SPECIAL SHOUT OUT # 1- To ladyasile! You are freaking amazing-- not only do you consistently review, but I look forward to them every time. ARIGATO!

-EXTRA-SPECIAL SHOUT OUT #2- To Silver Ame Tsukino, just because you are awesome!

-EXTRA-SPECIAL SHOUT OUT #3- To Raei Dagger! O.M.G. Your review was by far the best I have read so far and definitely the most helpful. I sent you a message going into more detail so I do not feel the need to re-address everything here, but I shall point out some key things you brought to my attention.

You mentioned the lack of speech in my first chapter. Well, that's because I wasn't really sure how to put text in at the time...I mean, all it really is is a bunch of Kurama's thoughts. But I see your point, and I am now working on a prologue. Though I would like to send it to you once I finish it before I post it to see what you think.

As for the song-fic style, I'm glad you like it. It took me forever to figure out how I was going to type it out...I mean, I knew what should be happening at what point in the song when I was listening to it, but it was hard to type out what was in my head. I hope you like what I did with this chapter as well.

And I am glad you liked my last chapter because I for one didn't like it very much...so I am glad others did. Again, thanks so much for your amazing review and I hope you continue to enjoy. OH!- And I hope you update Deception soon. That story is addictive

-A/N: Okay folks, it's the chapter you've all been waiting for-- the lemon chapter! WOOT! In case you missed it, we are back to Kurama's POV. The song in this chapter will be "It's All Coming Back To Me" by Celine Dion. Enjoy and please review!

-KF

"You deserve much better than me"

Something in my world shattered as I listened to your broken voice whispering so softly, your face buried in my hair as you tried to hide your tears. I wish I knew what to say, but honestly you have left me at a loss for words...I might have been able to respond had I known more about what had happened to you in the five years we were apart, and more importantly why we parted in the first place. But since I know next to nothing, I am rendered silent. It's strange...all of those lonely nights that I would stay up thinking about you I would run scenarios through my head-- not to say I ever expected them to come true-- and I would always know exactly what to say and how to act. But now that you are here I realize how little I know and how unprepared I really am. I guess it's because I wasn't prepared for you to have changed so much...yet so little...in only five years time...

I sigh-- we may have been apart, but I still can't crush the instinctive tenderness I hold for you, and it is because of this tenderness that I can't bear to see you cry anymore. I loosen my grasp on you, which I can't help but notice makes you tense, though I only release you as much as I have to so that I can kiss you. Once you realize this you relax once more, though you still aren't as relaxed as you were before. I will try my best to fix that...

Before long you are returning my kisses with ones of your own, though the heated exchange is short lived-- you pull away for whatever reason and instead cuddle up to my chest. I smile as I hold you close to me...gods I missed you, my little fire yokai.

"There were nights when the wind was so cold  
That my body froze in bed  
If I just listened to it  
Right outside the window"

But it was during those cold nights that I missed you the most. It was then that it was the most painfully obvious that you weren't there. Because as cold as the night was, it was even colder when your warmth wasn't there beside me...it made me feel like there was ice all around me, both inside and out. Especially since I had gotten used to being so spoiled by you...I had gotten so used to having you there to warm me; to take away the violent shivers that threaten to overtake me. To lovingly warm me dry after a shower, taking particular care with my long tresses. I used to love that so much...and gods did I miss it.

"There were days when the sun was so cruel  
That all the tears turned to dust  
And I just knew my eyes were  
Drying up forever" 

Even so, it wasn't just the nights-- the days were just as unforgiving while I tried to hard to forget you. Finally I just decided to give up on everything and start all over...it was then that I vowed never to waste any more of my tears on memories of you.

"I finished crying in the instant that you left  
And I can't remember where or when or how  
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made" 

Can't you understand? Can't you see how deeply you have hurt me? Probably...you are the master of masked emotions after all. But then why is it that you are the one who is crying? There is so much I still don't know...And as if I hadn't been confused enough, your return has only raised even more questions. Oh gods, Hiei...how is it that you can do this to me? How did you end up with control over the most fickle, cold-hearted demons the Makai has ever known? And why...why is it that you can't see what control you have over me?

"But when you touch me like this  
And you hold me like that  
I just have to admit  
That it's all coming back to me"

You bring me out of my thoughts with another kiss, though for whatever reason this kiss...just isn't like you. It's soft...tender...sad? I don't really know, but it confuses this fox who was expecting the hot, rough passion with which I had grown to become so familiar with and fond of. Your strong arms wrap around me, holding me close. Now this is more like what I am used to...you always used to love to snuggle.

"When I touch you like this  
And I hold you like that  
It's so hard to believe but  
It's all coming back to me  
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)" 

I respond by slowly deepening the kiss, and even though I lick your lips I don't wait for you to grant me access before I take it. You reward me with a soft moan and by holding me even closer. I can feel your body heating up as you are pressed against me...gods you are adorable. The best thing is you don't even realize just how cute you are. I guess it's up to me to show you...

Again I ask, how do you do this to me? As much as I tried to forget you I never could, and when I finally began to neglect those memories of you and me then you come right back into my life, making it absolutely impossible for me to move on. Which, I suppose, right now is a good thing, for if I had moved on then this would never be happening...although, honestly I'm not sure if this is good or bad. Either way, now that you are here it's all fresh in my memory all over again as though five years of your absence haven't already flown by.

"There were moments of gold  
And there were flashes of light  
There were things I'd never do again  
But then they'd always seemed right"

I think I know part of the reason I cannot forget you-- it's that you had such a great impact on everything I did. Still do. You were the first and only person I had ever truly loved...how can I forget that? You had such a spell over me and you didn't even know it.

I suppose in that aspect it is my fault. I should have showed you how much you meant to me...how much I needed you. My heart stops for an instant as I begin to wonder-- was it my fault you left? Did I fail in the way I chose to love you-- was it lack of love and devotion that I showed you that drove you away? Come to think of it, there were many things I would take back if I had the chance...

"There were nights of endless pleasure  
It was more than any laws allow  
Baby Baby"

No, it can't be. I remind myself of all the ways this cold-hearted fox demon tried to show his love and only then does my heart remember how to beat. While it is true we never made love in the time we were together it is certainly false to say we didn't share some very heated days and nights, a great number of them in this very bed. One memory in particular that sticks out in my mind as we lay here once more after half a decade apart is of that time we had laid here, making out in this bed all night long. You had been so tired the next day...I had found it adorable. Hell, there were few things about you that I hadn't found adorable. Vaguely, I find myself wondering if we are about to recreate that memory tonight.

"If I kiss you like this  
And if you whisper like that  
It was lost long ago  
But it's all coming back to me"

Sometime while I was lost deep in my mind I have become situated on top of you, your arms still holding me close to your warm, muscular form. I gently break our passionate kiss only to regain my breath before initiating another of equal heat. Our mutual desire is evident; our mutual need obvious. Gods it feels so good to kiss you...the kiss lasts as long as our breath will allow, neither wanting the feeling to end though this time it is you that has to pull back for air first. I take the opportunity to admire you-- your face is the picture of pleasure and desire; your body the picture of desire and submission. It takes everything I have not to strip you and screw you senseless...but even if I were at the peak of my heat I wouldn't dare perform such a degrading act, especially not to you. You deserve much better treatment, especially after what I know you have already gone through...Not to say thoughts of sex aren't prominent in my mind as I ravage your mouth.

You awaken me once again from my thoughts, though this time by whispering my name. I shiver as I hear your soft, seductive voice echo through the quiet room and into my ear, and though you say but a word I can hear so much in that one word. Pleasure laced with desire, though I can also detect a hint of fear. And lust...yes, your heavenly voice is thick with longing and lust. There have been precious few occasions on which I have heard your voice like this...it has been far too long since I have been allowed this sinful indulgence, and you had better believe I won't let a moment go to waste. For now that you are here, now that you are mine for even but a moment, I will not let you leave me again unless you at least leave me some more memories to look back and smile upon.

You and I...Let's make some memories.

"If you want me like this  
And if you need me like that  
It was dead long ago  
But it's all coming back to me"

If your voice is any indication, then you still want me as much as I want you. If your body provides any clue, then right now you need me as much as I need you. If the way you are looking at me right now is any sign, then you still might love me as much as I love you. I say might because I can't be certain anymore-- not on this. Not about love...If I have learned one thing after all I have been through with you it's that love is never definite; never certain. But I am rather confident that even if you don't love me you definitely still lust for me, and for right now that is good enough.

My slender hands slide under your shirt, teasing your warm flesh with light touches across your chest-- too soft to be satisfying but too firm to ignore. This draws another moan from your lips, the sound fringed with frustration as you try to get me to give you more. I smile softly-- I can't believe that even after all this time I still know how to give you pleasure.

"It's so hard to resist  
And it's all coming back to me  
I can barely recall  
But it's all coming back to me now  
But it's all coming back"

A short while later I give in to your pleading, removing your shirt before kissing along your muscular abdomen. My tongue briefly dips into your navel, causing you to shiver at the new sensation. I think you expect me to travel south from here, but I instead lick a trail up your lean torso. How could I resist? Your entire body is so delectable...how could I not pay homage to every part of your beauty? Warm bodies become even warmer as I tenderly suck on your left nipple-- I remember from some of our heated make out sessions that your nipples are particularly sensitive, and I plan to use that knowledge to my advantage. My efforts are rewarded with a deep purr and your hands buried deep into my hair, your calloused fingertips gently massaging my scalp...A fine reward indeed.

"There were those empty threats and hollow lies  
And whenever you tried to hurt me  
I just hurt you even worse  
And so much deeper" 

I am not stupid. I know that you have lied to me. I also know that some of those lies were fake lies...the trick is knowing the difference between your lies, your fake lies, and your honesty. After a while it all became the same thing...I had started to think you were pushing me away, though by the time I got the courage to ask you about it you were already gone. You had tried so many times to make me hate you, to make me hurt you...sometimes I didn't realize that it was you just being stupid and pushing me away so I would fall right into your trap. I hated it because I knew how much I had hurt you each of those times, but I hated it even more because I couldn't do anything. You had brought it upon yourself.

"There were hours that just went on for days  
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances  
That were lost to us forever" 

Even though there were times that I swear my watch was lying to me, particularly after we had been making out (How long have we been here...Two hours? Already? We couldn't have been more than twenty minutes!) there were even more times that seemed to last an eternity, and they always happened whenever you didn't want them to. Specifically all of those months I wasted waiting for you...I swear, it took at least a century of waiting and wishing before you finally appeared before me.

"But you were history with the slamming of the door  
And I made myself so strong again somehow"

Not literally of course-- if you had actually slammed the door on me that would have been a lot easier for me...a hell of a lot less painful. Because then I wouldn't spend every waking moment searching for a sign of you. I would stay up late at night waiting for you to appear, only to realize in the morning you never came anyway. No, the only door you slammed shut was the door of communication, and that door was barely open to start with.

"And I never wasted any of my time on you since then" 

I wish I could say I never thought about you since the moment I finally realized you were gone for good. I wish I could say I never shed another tear, never felt my heart break again. But that would be a lie. I still thought about you, but not nearly as much. I still cried over you, though there were fewer tears and they came less frequently. And gods did my heart break...every day, over and over again, I would wake to the feeling of my heart breaking again and fall asleep listening to it fall to pieces.

"But if I touch you like this

And if you kiss me like that  
It was so long ago  
But it's all coming back to me" 

I continue my trek up your lean torso, my wet tongue leaving a thin trail along your heated flesh. I pause to suck on your collarbone, but you will have no more of my teasing-- you tilt my head up and pull me into a searing kiss. I softly moan into your mouth, my hands coming up to brush against your cheeks before becoming entangled into your gravity-defying hair.

"If you touch me like this  
And if I kiss you like that  
It was gone with the wind  
But it's all coming back to me"

Gentle fingertips trace patterns down the back of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. Your fingertips chase these shivers, dancing their way down my bare back...it isn't until now that I remember my attire, or more specifically, my lack thereof. I blush faintly, though you simply smirk in response, laughing faintly as if you knew what had just gone through my head and were laughing at me for not noticing sooner.

Oh yeah. I almost forgot- you are a telepath.

I break your kiss to catch my breath, then kiss you once more to silence your teasing laughter. Not that you mind...no, I don't think you mind the distraction at all.

"(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)"

You deepen my kiss, turning my simple silencing method into something so much more. Our lips part, our breathing reduced to short pants, this reflecting our mutual need and desire. I kiss you again and you melt into my lips, your own small lips so soft against mine. By now my hands are teasing your sensitive sides, tickling you along your lower ribs. Struggling you may be not to laugh, even you can't help but allow a few chuckles escape, though our mouths as they are I can't hear them as much as I feel them. 

"There were moments of gold  
And there were flashes of light"

I remember the first time Youko kissed you. It was totally unintentional on my part to let him out to begin with, because to be totally honest I was afraid of what he might do to you. I should have known better...trusted him more. But I didn't, and at the time I was terrified that he might rape you or do something equally as unforgivable. I was proven wrong of course, and also it was also proven to me that despite the rumors and legends surrounding him, Youko could be a very kind and loving partner.

You had been so adorable because you were so shy, and I think you expected it to happen even less than I did. Not to mention your eye-sight was probably still a little fuzzy from the flash of light from when Youko appeared. I hope you were in as much pleasure as it seemed, because you looked so blissfully contented. Actually...you looked quite a bit like you do right now.

"There were things we'd never do again  
But then they'd always seemed right"

Hindsight is such an awful thing, because it is often only in hindsight do you realize how much you did wrong. Lately it has been in hindsight that I realize all of the things I should have done; things that might have kept you near, kept you from leaving me. Maybe...maybe now I will have a chance to do them. Maybe now is my chance to make things right.

"There were nights of endless pleasure  
It was more than all your laws allow"

Not to say everything we did was wrong. Many a night did we spend together, loosing track of kisses exchanged and time spent in each other's arms. Although you always tried to leave before my mother woke the next morning- your strict code of honor forbade you to allow anyone to see you so unguarded and in such a compromising position- I know from the few occasions that you fell asleep in my arms and stayed there well into the morning that my mother had caught you many times in such a manner. I found it humorous, though when you finally found out you had been caught you were less than amused... though honestly I think it was another one of your acts, for you certainly didn't complain about being able to stay in my arms a while longer and not having to run off at the slightest sound.

"Baby, Baby, Baby" 

I'm not entirely sure when or even how it started, but I ended up giving you the nickname "Baby". You hated it of course...I think you still do. But I know deep down you didn't mind it at all, maybe even enjoyed it when I babied you and teased you.

"When you touch me like this  
And when you hold me like that  
It was gone with the wind  
But it's all coming back to me"

After a short while of my tickling and tormenting you (or your body- I'm not sure which) decide you can't take any more of this. You thrust your hips insistently towards mine and I can feel your hardness even through the thick fabric of your jeans. I start to wonder why you are even wearing jeans in the first place-- they aren't very common in the Makai after all-- but as you continue to rock into me all of my thoughts cease and I instinctively start to press back into you. Sharp fangs draw blood as you bite yourself rather roughly, trying your hardest to keep back your moaning...though I think we both know you are fighting a losing battle.

We continue to rub against one another, straining for contact through the fabric of your jeans...It feels like nothing I have ever known. As much as I long to just continue _that_, I know I must move on to other things before both of us reach our completion. I am rather sure you don't want to reach your end while still halfway clothed...and to be honest, I, too, would be rather disappointed with that outcome.

"When you see me like this  
And when I see you like that  
Then we see what we want to see  
All coming back to me"

Your voice becomes a slow, low whine as my slender fingertips dip underneath the waistband of your pants, this turning into a growl as I take my time in reaching your zipper. You gasp, your jaw dropping and eyes fluttering as I slowly pull the little bit of metal down, only your boxers keeping me from your hardness. The blush that stained your cheeks before deepens to a dark ruby color as I inch down the tight jeans, then finally pull them past your ankles and drop them to the floor. I think they went to the right of me...but to be honest I am not entirely sure. I am too caught up in staring at your flushed face, drawn in pleasure. I can't help but smile...you look so beautiful, especially when your eyes finally flutter open and I can see the desire deep within them.

"The flesh and the fantasies  
All coming back to me"

I ask you if you are sure and you nod, giving me a smile that melts me to my core. You whisper "Please" and I am all too happy to oblige. My hands almost act on their own as I pull your boxers off of you, and you shift shyly under my hungry gaze. I smile, subconsciously licking my lips as my eyes drift over your toned form, and I want nothing more than to ravish you. But I know that I must wait...I must prolong this moment. I must draw out this hunger, this desire, so that I can show you true pleasure. I want you to beg for me, and I know you will.

"I can barely recall  
But it's all coming back to me now"

In all of my staring at you, I almost forgot to take off my towel. Almost. Before I lean down to seal your lips with a heated kiss I strip the garment off of me, leaving me completely bare before you just as you are before me. You moan as I lay on top of you once more, forgetting to bite back the sound I have been longing to hear. The friction between us is almost unbearable...I know I must move quickly for I have little time to work with. We have both become impatient, and we have both become very lustful. And you all know what happens when you put two lusty demons together...

"If you forgive me all this  
If I forgive you all that  
We forgive and forget

And it's all coming back to me"

I kiss my way down your body, this time with more speed; more urgency. I pause only briefly on your nipples, causing you to moan again before I leave that sensitive area in favor of another. But before my mouth claims you, I pause. I whisper softly to you, asking if you are sure about this. You moan again-- I can only imagine what my warm breath on you is doing to your senses-- and I get my response as a huskily whispered yes. You whimper, and to emphasize your point you push your hips toward me once more. I know what you want me to do...and trust me, I want it too. But I just wish I knew if you forgave me for my past before we committed such intimate acts. Even so, I know better than to ask you right now...consumed by passion as you are, you'd probably be willing to say anything to make sure I stayed. I mentally sigh and make a note to ask you some other time.

"When you see me like this  
And when I see you like that  
We see just what we want to see  
All coming back to me"

Giving in to both of our needs, I slowly take you into my mouth. You make a sound that is something like a cross between a scream and a moan...I don't know, but I do know that it makes me want you even more. By the time I have taken as much of you in as I can the sounds you have been making are threatening to drive me insane, and I am almost starting to regret not leaving myself more time to play with you. Almost. I know you want me to finish you right then and there, but I have other plans...and if I am to follow _those_ plans, I have to stop what I am doing right now before you reach your end. This of course causes you to whine in protest as I pull my heated mouth away from your heated flesh. But trust me-- you will thank me in the end. Eventually.

"The flesh and the fantasies  
All coming back to me  
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now" 

You shoot me a questioning glance as I sit back on me heels, looking down at you as I lick my fingers, coating the digits with a generous layer of saliva. But as I draw my slender fingers away from my mouth and over toward your entrance a look of understanding dawns upon your face...it is impossible for me to interpret that look as positive or negative, but for right now I will take it as neutral and trust you to tell me to stop if you don't want me to continue.

"(It's all coming back to me now)  
And when you kiss me like this"

I am pleased to hear you moan as my first finger teases your entrance. I have a slight moment of fear as I realize I never thought to ask you beforehand if you had ever been taken before...but seeing how I was planning on making this as pleasurable an experience for you anyway I guess it doesn't really matter.

"(It's all coming back to me now)  
And when I touch you like that"

Whines of mixed pleasure and pain escape you as my slender fingers carefully prepare you. I note that right now they sound more of pain than pleasure, though I hope to change that very soon. While I admit that saliva is a poor substitute for lubricant, it will suffice, and I am sure you would rather have at least that than nothing at all. Finally, I decide that you are as prepared as you are going to get, and position myself to enter your compact body. After sending you a look of reassurance and seeing your look of encouragement in return, I enter you in one swift motion.

"(It's all coming back to me now)  
If you do it like this"

The moan I heard from you before when I took you into my mouth is nothing compared to the cry of mixed pleasure and pain that I hear once I thrust myself deep into you. As I thrust deeper and harder your screams become more filled with ecstasy and less of pain until I can't hear any pain at all. Short fingernails make red lines down my back as you cling to me, your muscular body as close to me as physical boundaries will allow. Your legs wrap around me, allowing me to venture even deeper inside of you, and I take full advantage of it.

"(It's all coming back to me now)  
And if we. . . "

A few carefully aimed thrusts later and I have found your sweet spot, causing you to scream so loudly that I start to worry about what the people next door must be thinking. But those thoughts quickly leave my mind-- all I can concentrate on right now is you. It doesn't take either of us much longer to reach our completion, you coming first with a silent scream and me following closely after. Once I come back to my senses I slowly pull out of your now very tender body and almost immediately collapse on the bed beside you. You slowly roll over to face me, a lazy, blissful smile tugging gently at your thin lips. Your eyes are only half open, but even from what I can see of them I can see that you are purely contented. You pull me close, both of our bodies sticky and sweaty but neither of us awake enough to care, and I am happy to return the gesture by holding you close to me. The last thing I am aware of is the warmth of your breath on my bare skin as I drift off to sleep.

_Damn. So much for my breakfast..._

Sorry this chapter took so long. XD as you can see, it is a rather long chapter (for my standards anyway) and I kept getting pulled away from it. Also sorry if it seems a bit rushed at the end... as you can probably imagine, after over two months of working on this one chapter I was getting a bit sick of it. XD

OH! and Raei Dagger-- above I mentioned I sent you a message in response to your review. Well, since that was about a month and a half ago, I don't remember if I actually did or not. Sorry if I forgot!


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